hashtagafreakingghost | and on the dead girl's desk

[From right to left, the letters. Her handwriting grows progressively shakier with each one.]

Chris,

I don't want to explain the circumstances behind what's going on right now. I can just hope that you and Josh and everyone else at the lodge are safe, even though I'm not. I've been kidnapped and put in a disturbing, sick game and I could die. I don't even know if I can send this letter to you. Still, I have to write it. I've been thinking, and one of the other people here was talking to me about you.

Yes, of course about you. I don't care if you don't feel the same way anymore, I don't care if it makes things weird, because I should've told you so long ago. I love you. I've loved you since
A long time, honestly. I don't remember when I first started. I just know I realized the first time Josh invited me up to the lodge. You remember that, don't you? I can never forget. I can't believe Josh's parents even let us all up there alone, just a bunch of stupid teenagers in the big wild Canadian mountains. You and Sam and obviously Josh, Beth, and Hannah all knew the place so much better than me, so I was nervous. Every little creak terrified me, but you were so sweet, reassuring me of everything. We argued about if ghosts were causing the wind or not. You avenged me in that amazing snowball fight, only to dump snow down my back two minutes later.

And at the end of the last night, when everyone else was off somewhere, doing something I can't even remember, we just sat by the fireplace. Your glasses were crooked, and you looked so ridiculous. You asked about a stupid poem I was working on, before I realized I cannot write poetry. We complained about a history assignment we'd both been putting off. We talked until I fell asleep, and this is the part you don't know: when I woke up, my head was on your shoulder. I was holding your hand, and I felt like everything fit together in ways I could never imagine.

By God, I was thirteen and I realized I was so utterly in love that I couldn't stand it. Over the years, it's only gotten worse.

I should be writing to tell you to save me. To find me and get me out of here. I don't want to die, Chris. I want to see you again, so I can tell you all of this and more in person. I want to see my parents again and hug Jasper and grow up to be a great, starving artist in New York. I want to apologize to Josh, properly this time.

But all I realized of everything I haven't said, this is what I'd regret taking to my grave most. I love you, Chris. And I really hope against all odds that I'll be able to tell you in person.

Your best friend,
Ashley

Josh,

I've been a horrible friend to you. It's sick that it took me being kidnapped by some freak to realize that. Where are you right now? Please, let it be somewhere safe. I'm so worried about you all the time, because the last conversation we had

I don't want to leave it like that.

I'm so sorry, Josh. I should have tried harder to keep in contact after last year. I'm so sorry for last year. If I could take it all back, I would. If I could give you back your sisters, I would. I shouldn't have gone along with it. I should've realized it was going to be a bad idea. I am so sorry, and I'm going to regret this for the rest of my life...however long that may be. I should have TOLD YOU how sorry I was instead of those stupid weepy stammers when you woke up. I want to be able to laugh with you again, to get way too into TV or books. I even want you to scare me again with one of your stupid pranks. Like it's always been.

I hope you're safe. I'm sorry.

Thinking of you,
Ashley

Chris,

I didn't remember. Oh my God, I didn't REMEMBER and I am so sorry. How could I not know? I'm so glad I didn't send that other letter now but oh my god Josh I can't believe he's dead.

And you chose me. Chris. It might not mean anything because I'm here, and I'm too afraid to even send these in case someone else reads them, but thank you so much for saving me, Chris. I know that must have been impossible for you, Josh was your best friend since forever but still. I almost want to ask why. I'm grateful, I'm so grateful, even though I'll probably die here, but why? Why me over him?

I wish you could've gotten both of us, but no one wishes that more than you do, I imagine. I swear, I will try my hardest to get out of here, somehow. I won't let your choice be for nothing.

I will see you again.

Love,
Ashley

Sam, Mike, Matt, Emily, and Jess,

You know by now that Chris and Josh are dead. I don't know how many of you are alive. I don't know if any of you are alive. If you are, if this reaches ANY of you, then you have to know. I'm dead. I was kidnapped to some fucked up game and something got messed up and I'm dead.

I'm sorry. I had to let you know. None of us need another Hannah and Beth in our lives.

Always your friend,
Ashley

Mom and Dad,

If you're reading this, I'm dead. Please don't look into how. I loved you so much. Thank you for providing for me. Thank you for loving me. Thank you for giving up so much to make me happy. Please please don't fall apart please. Give Jasper extra hugs for me.

Ashley

[By far, this is the one with the shakiest handwriting. It's covered in tear stains. As you get closer to the end, they kind of cover the whole thing.]

Chris,

I've been trying to write this to you for days, but every time I have to stop. I can't believe you're gone. I can't believe you killed yourself to save me. Except I can believe it and that's the worst part, isn't it? I can believe it because it's you.

God Chris I keep thinking about what I said back there. Shoot me. Save yourself. Chris I didn't want to die. I didn't want to say that. The only option was you dying and looking back on it I didn't want to say that. I just wanted us to both get out alive but if I couldn't have that still
How could you have loved me when I'm this kind of person?

You loved me. That's what you were trying to say, wasn't it? If only I had been faster. At least you could've known. I loved you too. I love you. I always will, no matter how long or short I live and I can't take it. I want to see you again. All I have is your stupid coat and this stupid ring and those FUCKING DOLLS.

Chris. Thank you for loving me. If I'm alive just so the Conductor's God could take me to this game where I'll probably die anyway, even though I don't want to die, I don't EVER want to die then
You should've chosen Josh. What's that thing you told about once? The butterfly effect? Well maybe whatever happened to get us caught again he could've prevented. Maybe you could've caught the man in the mask and then you could both get out safe. If I was going to die anyway then
I want to live for both of you, but let's face reality. I'm not going to. I'm going to die here.

I'm sorry. That's not very optimistic. You'd be mad at me. I just wrote to the Conductor and I think I did a good job. I said I thought maybe you two would be proud of me for trying to help. I don't want to stop writing to you, Chris, because it'll mean you're really really gone and I'm not strong enough to do this without you.

I didn't regret a single second of it either. I'm just sorry we couldn't have had more.
If I die here, at least I'll see you again.

Forever yours,
Ashley