Then, since you can't do that: Why not try applying that consideration to the people around you? It's good for them, and it could help keep your mind off how much it hurts, having done what you did, and having what your friend did done to you.
I know in my case, after I lost the people I cared about most, I just gave my all into protecting the one friend I had left.
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I know in my case, after I lost the people I cared about most, I just gave my all into protecting the one friend I had left.