hashtagafreakingghost

Butterfly Effect...I'll keep that idea in mind. I'm intrigued. The idea of small changes being amplified over time is pretty basic, too: it's almost like a sniper rifle being fired at an angle, or something to that effect. Moving the gun a couple of centimeters might not mean much when you're looking at it from where you're sitting in position, but as your shot travels over a distance, the degree of the angle is magnified, and the bullet's trajectory can change dramatically over a couple of feet or even meters. Even the smallest possible deviation has a much more massive effect than you would consider at face value.

...At the same time, if there are so many minute little details that result in such huge changes in the timeline, predicting the future should be impossible, then, no? So many factors at work, can you even have a general idea?

I've never had any myself, but a lot of my friends do.
Or did.
Siblings are kind of nature's way of giving you a partner in crime and/or someone to make sure you don't fuck up too badly. At least, in my observance.

[Uhhhh yeah. Sorry, Ashley, he's going to pause for possibly too long to try and wrap his head around this.

nope, not getting it.]

OK HOW ABOUT I JUST TAKE YOUR WORD FOR IT
I MEAN I... *THINK* I COULD SEE IT? LIKE A, WHAT, HUMAN PLATONIC MOIRAIL YOU SHARE A LUSUS WITH OR SOMETHING.
EXCEPT OUR LUSII USUALLY TRY TO

[wait fuck]

I MEAN THEY DON'T GET ALONG WITH OTHER TROLLS USUALLY, JUST THEIR OWN.

Well that's kind of the point, isn't it? You can't predict the future, because every little thing can and probably will cause change. It means everything you do while you're alive matters.

[More uncomfortable subtext she thinks she's missing..... Great- well no need to-]

I'll take your word for it. Just
They're important. To put it in perspective, why Josh did what he did was as justice for his sisters. A fucked up kind of justice, but
Without them he kind of fell apart so I guess platonic moirail is a good way to put it for you.

[Let's just say that Ashley doesn't need to know about Crabdad's attempts to eat just about every troll he met that wasn't Karkat.]

OH. WELL, THEN IT MAKES PERFECT SENSE.

[Another tiny pause.]

I MEAN, FROM A TROLL PERSPECTIVE. FUCK, SORRY, THERE'S A LOT OF SHIT YOU DON'T NEED TO HEAR.

Is that what you get out of that?

...Hm. Perhaps I'm too caught up on the past, then.

Edited 2016-04-08 07:17 (UTC)

No, it's fine. I could probably

I hate feeling like everyone's walking on eggshells around me but troll society really does sound too harsh for me. I appreciate it.
Both when thinking about whatever you've seen and
well you know, all that stuff

How about
Instead of this conversation, I tell you about a super embarrassing crush I had that will never leave this text chain
To even the odds. Okay?

[Say yes Karkat.]

NO I GET YOU. I MEAN THERE'S
AT LEAST ONE THING I COULD TELL YOU THAT ISN'T INTRINSICALLY AWFUL. EXCEPT THERE'S OTHER SHIT TIED INTO IT THAT WOULD MAKE IT AWFUL AGAIN SO
FUCK, NEVER MIND. YES, TELL ME ABOUT THIS CRUSH.

Edited (nurr nurr nurr) 2016-04-08 07:27 (UTC)

I mean, it's natural to be. I am too. I think most people, honestly, are a little focused on the past. What they did and why, how it happened, the consequences.

[She pauses.]

But I'm always thinking about
Well about how you should be careful with your actions. That's what I mean by everything matters. It matters in other ways of course, every decision and choice you make is important.
But to me, I think it's proof that you should act with care.

Sometimes that means thinking about the past.

So
When I was 10
I'm almost 19 now for reference so like almost half my life ago

When I first met Josh he was like
One of the first people who actively tried to make friends with me and reach out, and he STAYED friends with me and it was touching so
I had this stupid embarrassing puppy crush on him for like a month and I lived in fear that he would find out and tease me FOREVER.
To my knowledge, he was oblivious but I still cringe every time I think of it.

WAIT, HOW IS THAT EMBARRASSING.

What?? Really you don't
I mean I just met him and knew zilch about him!! And
It was JOSH look I know I've mostly talked about him in the bad contexts but

He was like #2 best friend for years and years after and I was
Thinking he was this sweet selfless knight in shining armor and I got him ENTIRELY wrong
It's mortifying!! He is the kind of guy
Was the kind of guy I guess
Who would just never let me live it down ever, because he is NONE of those things and it's so weird to even think about!
I feel all weird even typing this.

We're just a goldmine of wisdom tonight, aren't we...but I can see you being the type to be like that. Failing to plan is planning to fail, right? Wish the Major took on that philosophy a bit more often sometimes.

But on that note, isn't it a bit difficult to plan if you have all of these goddamn Butterfly-effect-variables and no clear way of discerning what's what, then?

Yes. I guess the way I go about it is less planning to do something and more planning NOT to.

I admit my way of thinking is probably very flawed. But it's not horrible, at least I don't think.

Certainly better than just letting whatever happens happen, that's for sure. If it works for you, it works for you.

Between you and me, I think everyone has moments like that. Where they wonder whether or not their way of tackling things is really working for them. I resolved myself to going through my life the way I do when I was just five years old. And I've had moments where I've started to second-guess myself, simply because, well, those unpredictable situations sprung up.

But at the end of the day, the one who knows what's best for you is you. I know what I should and shouldn't be doing. And I know what kind of feelings suit me and which ones don't. That's just the way it is.

ASHLEY I LITERALLY JUST TOLD YOU THAT I HAD A BLACK CRUSH ON JOHN AFTER SKIMMING HIS TIMELINE ON TROLLIAN
AND I WAS WRONG ABOUT HIM TOO, ALTHOUGH I GUESS IN DIFFERENT WAYS THAN YOU WERE ABOUT JOSH.
YOU WERE TEN. WHAT IS THAT IN SWEEPS ANYWAY, I GUESS PROBABLY FIVE? MAYBE FOUR, SOMETHING LIKE THAT
SO YEAH I CAN UNDERSTAND FALLING FOR SOMEONE YOU BARELY KNOW, ESPECIALLY AT THAT AGE.
IT'S PERFECTLY UNDERSTANDABLE, ESPECIALLY IF HE WAS THAT NICE TO YOU.

BUT
I CAN ALSO SEE IN HINDSIGHT HOW YOU WOULDN'T WANT TO
TO ASSOCIATE YOURSELF WITH THOSE MEMORIES, I GUESS. IF HE DID THOSE THINGS.

[Does she know what's best for her? If anything, the last month and a half has showed her...

No need. She shouldn't do that. Spill too much to a girl she barely knows.]

True. You have a point there.

How did just a talk about Pokémon turn into something so philosophical, huh?

Beats the hell out of me. I'm certainly not used to it, so if it's anyone's fault, it's probably mine. ...Never was much good at this sort of thing.

I'll let you go, though. Didn't mean to keep you; just thought you'd be interested in seeing what Gyarados looks like, is all.

[...]

It really wasn't all bad, you know. Most of it wasn't.
I talked a lot about this with Dave but well
I miss him a lot. Both how it used to be and just him. It's weird. I'm still furious but every day it gets a little more bittersweet.

I just realized he
Well he was Josh. Funny and abrasive and caustic but still strangely caring. Cutting humor and a crooked smile and a silver tongue. It just felt weird once I got to know him to think of him like that.
And well then there was Chris so

He just worked better as a friend.
It's silly, until everything happened with his sisters it was just embarrassing because of all that. Then
Well all the extra baggage.

Uggh I was trying to make the conversation LESS of a downer. Great good job me.

It's fine. And I was, even if it was incredibly surprising.

[An understatement.]

It was nice talking, Asuka. Kind of fun.

...I didn't mind the company, I suppose.

[ Just say "I agree," Asuka, for fuck's sake... ]

Perhaps next time the subject matter will be a bit lighter.

Perhaps it will.

[There's a slight delay before his next response, but he's. Totally fine. Really.]

HEY DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT. IT'S NICE KNOWING I'M NOT THE ONLY ONE WHO WAS A MISERABLE JUDGE OF CHARACTER
THOSE ARE JUST EXPERIENCES TO LEARN FROM EVEN IF THEY'RE FUCKING HORRIBLE IN EVERY POSSIBLE RESPECT.

[... wait, how is that helping WOW LET'S TRY AGAIN]

OK HERE'S A QUESTION
HOW DO YOU TELL SOMEONE TO STOP HITTING ON YOU IF THEY DON'T KNOW THEY'RE DOING IT.

;IC CONTACT

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