hashtagafreakingghost

NO I GET YOU. I MEAN THERE'S
AT LEAST ONE THING I COULD TELL YOU THAT ISN'T INTRINSICALLY AWFUL. EXCEPT THERE'S OTHER SHIT TIED INTO IT THAT WOULD MAKE IT AWFUL AGAIN SO
FUCK, NEVER MIND. YES, TELL ME ABOUT THIS CRUSH.

Edited (nurr nurr nurr) 2016-04-08 07:27 (UTC)

So
When I was 10
I'm almost 19 now for reference so like almost half my life ago

When I first met Josh he was like
One of the first people who actively tried to make friends with me and reach out, and he STAYED friends with me and it was touching so
I had this stupid embarrassing puppy crush on him for like a month and I lived in fear that he would find out and tease me FOREVER.
To my knowledge, he was oblivious but I still cringe every time I think of it.

WAIT, HOW IS THAT EMBARRASSING.

What?? Really you don't
I mean I just met him and knew zilch about him!! And
It was JOSH look I know I've mostly talked about him in the bad contexts but

He was like #2 best friend for years and years after and I was
Thinking he was this sweet selfless knight in shining armor and I got him ENTIRELY wrong
It's mortifying!! He is the kind of guy
Was the kind of guy I guess
Who would just never let me live it down ever, because he is NONE of those things and it's so weird to even think about!
I feel all weird even typing this.

ASHLEY I LITERALLY JUST TOLD YOU THAT I HAD A BLACK CRUSH ON JOHN AFTER SKIMMING HIS TIMELINE ON TROLLIAN
AND I WAS WRONG ABOUT HIM TOO, ALTHOUGH I GUESS IN DIFFERENT WAYS THAN YOU WERE ABOUT JOSH.
YOU WERE TEN. WHAT IS THAT IN SWEEPS ANYWAY, I GUESS PROBABLY FIVE? MAYBE FOUR, SOMETHING LIKE THAT
SO YEAH I CAN UNDERSTAND FALLING FOR SOMEONE YOU BARELY KNOW, ESPECIALLY AT THAT AGE.
IT'S PERFECTLY UNDERSTANDABLE, ESPECIALLY IF HE WAS THAT NICE TO YOU.

BUT
I CAN ALSO SEE IN HINDSIGHT HOW YOU WOULDN'T WANT TO
TO ASSOCIATE YOURSELF WITH THOSE MEMORIES, I GUESS. IF HE DID THOSE THINGS.

[...]

It really wasn't all bad, you know. Most of it wasn't.
I talked a lot about this with Dave but well
I miss him a lot. Both how it used to be and just him. It's weird. I'm still furious but every day it gets a little more bittersweet.

I just realized he
Well he was Josh. Funny and abrasive and caustic but still strangely caring. Cutting humor and a crooked smile and a silver tongue. It just felt weird once I got to know him to think of him like that.
And well then there was Chris so

He just worked better as a friend.
It's silly, until everything happened with his sisters it was just embarrassing because of all that. Then
Well all the extra baggage.

Uggh I was trying to make the conversation LESS of a downer. Great good job me.

[There's a slight delay before his next response, but he's. Totally fine. Really.]

HEY DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT. IT'S NICE KNOWING I'M NOT THE ONLY ONE WHO WAS A MISERABLE JUDGE OF CHARACTER
THOSE ARE JUST EXPERIENCES TO LEARN FROM EVEN IF THEY'RE FUCKING HORRIBLE IN EVERY POSSIBLE RESPECT.

[... wait, how is that helping WOW LET'S TRY AGAIN]

OK HERE'S A QUESTION
HOW DO YOU TELL SOMEONE TO STOP HITTING ON YOU IF THEY DON'T KNOW THEY'RE DOING IT.

[Haha no it's fine Karkat, she really IS a horrible judge of character and absolutely everything else in--

wait]

What

Uh Karkat I'm afraid to tell you I am absolutely the wrong person to ask about this one.

WHAT SERIOUSLY?? BUT

[IT MAKES SENSE THAT SHE WOULDN'T KNOW BUT GODDAMMIT WHO ELSE IS HE SUPPOSED TO ASK]

FUCK. FUCKING
DO YOU EVEN KNOW WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT? SAY YOU AT LEAST KNOW WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT, I'LL GIVE YOU A GIANT FUCKING HINT: IT'S PROBABLY A TROLL-SPECIFIC PROBLEM BECAUSE NONE OF YOU GODDAMN HUMANS HAVE THE FAINTEST DRY WISPY FART OF AN IDEA WHAT QUADRANTS ARE AND HOW THEY WORK
DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW MUCH OF A PROBLEM THIS HAS BEEN FOR THE LAST SWEEP AND A HALF?? NO OF COURSE YOU DON'T, WHY DID I EVEN BRING THIS UP. I WAS JUST TRYING TO THINK OF WHATEVER EMBARRASSING ROMANTIC SHIT I COULD TO CHANGE THE SUBJECT TO SOMETHING I GUESS THEMATICALLY APPROPRIATE BUT NOT FUCKING AWFUL AND NOW LOOK WHERE WE ARE!
YOU'VE SERIOUSLY NEVER HAD THIS PROBLEM? OR WHERE SOMEONE WAS MAKING YOU UNCOMFORTABLE FOR REASONS YOU WERE SURE THEY WOULDN'T UNDERSTAND, BUT IT KEPT FUCKING HAPPENING AND BRINGING IT UP ONLY MADE THEM ASK YOU WHAT THE FUCK YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT? AND YOU END UP TRYING TO EXPLAIN IT ANYWAY AND THEY LOOK AT YOU LIKE YOU'RE OUT OF YOUR FUCKING MIND. HAS THAT EVER HAPPENED TO YOU AT ALL.

Edited (i'm being nitpicky, idk) 2016-04-08 09:11 (UTC)

Well

Shit I can guess what you're talking about with
People accidentally hitting on you in a black way or a pale way?? But I've never had anything like

I mean the only times people have made unwanted advances it's like weird drunk college guys being incredibly gross but that's a different situation entirely and isn't comparable at all. Especially the last part and I can't think of a situation it would correspond to in the slightest.
I haven't really been around many places where cultural differences would impact me like this.
Maybe have someone else explain if it's too uncomfortable for you that they don't even comprehend why it's awkward?

MOSTLY BLACK. PALE FLIRTING CAN BE REALLY FUCKING AMBIGUOUS
FUCK. SO IT'S A TROLL ONLY PROBLEM, HOW PERFECT IS THAT? HOW DID THE UNIVERSE KNOW I WANTED ANOTHER FUCKING WAY TO FEEL TOTALLY ALIENATED BY MY SURROUNDINGS, IT'S LIKE ALL MY WRIGGLING DAY PRESENTS WRAPPED UP IN ONE GLORIOUS PILE OF GO FUCK YOURSELF.

[... maaaybe he should be talking to Dave about this, ugh.]

SORRY. OK SO YOU CAN'T RELATE, FACT FUCKING ESTABLISHED. NO I CANNOT ASK ANYONE TO EXPLAIN IT FOR ME BECAUSE GUESS WHAT, THEY JUST SAY "OH, KARKAT THINKS EVERYONE IS HITTING ON HIM BECAUSE LOL TROLLS ARE WEIRD, LET'S SHARE A PLATONIC HUMAN BULGE BUMP AND CHANGE ABSOLUTELY FUCKING NOTHING ABOUT OUR BEHAVIOR."
JADE DOES IT ALL THE FUCKING TIME. SO DOES DAVE BUT HE'S, YOU KNOW, DAVE. AND JOHN'S GOING TO BE EVEN MORE USELESS.

IS IT JUST ME.

I think

You should talk to them. At least Dave and Jade if it's too weird to talk to John about it.
They're your friends. If this is really, really bothering you and IT IS then if you put your foot down and tell them that just laughing off what you're uncomfortable about isn't helping, then they'll listen. The bunch of you have been through a lot but sometimes

Sometimes jokes go too far. And people don't realize there are hurt feelings. My whole group of friends kind of thrived on that sort of interaction, but if people actually spoke up when they were hurting, maybe things could have gone different.

That's besides the point though. Because I'm sure others get weird when they think people are
you know
into them and they aren't?
It's only natural Karkat. So I can't relate and others can't quite understand. They should still respect you and your boundaries!!

[... but if people actually spoke up when they were hurting, maybe things could have gone different.

God. Fucking. Dammit.]

FINE. I MEAN, OK, YOU'RE RIGHT. I'LL TALK TO THEM.

[He still doesn't necessarily want to, but she has a point. Shit.]

Good.
And if you need me to give anyone a figurative punch in the face, I will! I'll sit them down and give them a talking to and tell them to respect your feelings!!

RIGHT. I'LL LET YOU KNOW

THANKS, ASHLEY.

Not a problem at all.

;IC CONTACT

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