hashtagafreakingghost

IT'S FUCKING BIZARRE IS WHAT IT IS.
I REALIZE THAT'S NOT WHAT YOU'RE ASKING, LIKE TO YOU IT'S JUST SOME NORMAL HUMAN CITY EXCEPT WITH POKÉTHEMED EVERYTHING
BUT GOLDENROD DOESN'T LOOK LIKE ANYTHING ON ALTERNIA.
EVEN OUR MORE DENSELY POPULATED AREAS DIDN'T FEEL THIS PACKED, AND I'M STILL NOT USED TO THERE BEING ADULTS EVERYWHERE.
I GUESS WATCHING HUMAN MOVIES HELPED, BUT THAT'S DIFFERENT FROM ACTUALLY LIVING IT.

Oh.
I'm from a city so it seems like a good place for me actually. Alternia is more rural?
And what was that about adults?

I GUESS? MOST OF US HAD OUR OWN HIVES AND LAWNRINGS ANYWAY, AND THOSE WERE USUALLY PRETTY SPACED OUT. TEREZI WAS UP A FUCKING TREE AND NEPETA HAD HER CAVE, BUT THEY WERE WEIRD CASES.
SOLLUX WAS THE ONLY ONE OF US WHO LIVED IN A COMMUNAL HIVE STEM. HE'D PROBABLY BE MORE OK WITH THIS PLACE.
MOST ADULT TROLLS WERE OFF PLANET CONQUERING THE REST OF THE GALAXY. THERE WERE JADE BLOODS IN THE BROODING CAVERNS BACK HOME, BUT THAT WAS BASICALLY IT.

Conquering the galaxy. Wow I don't know what I expected but it wasn't that.
Who raised you? If you were so isolated I mean. Was it a communal thing?

[... SLIGHT. PAUSE.]

OK THIS IS GOING TO BE ANOTHER CULTURAL DIFFERENCE I'LL HAVE TO EXPLAIN.
TROLLS DON'T RAISE OTHER TROLLS. WE'RE EACH CHOSEN BY ONE OF THE OTHER CREATURES NATIVE TO THE PLANET AND RAISED BY THEM, ASSUMING ONE CHOOSES US AT ALL.
MY CUSTODIAN WAS A GIANT CRAB MONSTER, TEREZI'S WAS A DRAGON, AND KANAYA'S WAS A VIRGIN MOTHER GRUB, TO GIVE YOU SOME IDEA.

Oookay.
1) Wow?
Like whoa that is so far beyond what I am used to so I need a minute to think about it.
2) What happens if something DOESN'T choose you??
3) Virgin mother grub? There has to be a story behind that.

1) WE'RE JUST AS BAFFLED BY YOUR FAMILY STRUCTURES, SO PLEASE, TAKE YOUR TIME.
2) YOU DIE. WHAT ELSE WOULD HAPPEN?
3) OK YOU REALIZE YOU JUST ASKED ME TO EXPLAIN TROLL REPRODUCTION TO YOU, RIGHT? IF NOT, SURPRISE! YOU JUST ASKED ME TO EXPLAIN TROLL REPRODUCTION TO YOU.
I MEAN. I GUESS I COULD EXPLAIN, BUT IT WOULD BE SORT OF FUCKING AWKWARD.

First of all I was hoping it wouldn't be something so morbid and cruel but maybe I should stop that.
And second
I didn't MEAN to ask you about reproduction or anything of the like, I just- when you say Virgin Mother etc for humans it carries intense religious connotations so I was honestly asking if your friend was literally raised by Jesus
or Jesus' mother in this case so
if your friend IS Jesus?

[.... WELL.]

YEAH YOU PROBABLY SHOULD.
KANAYA IS NOT TROLL JESUS. SORRY TO DISAPPOINT. A VIRGIN MOTHER GRUB IS A MOTHER GRUB WHO HAS DECIDED NOT TO TAKE UP BROODING DUTIES.
I'D RATHER NOT GET INTO TROLL RELIGION. JUST. PLEASE DON'T ASK.
LIKE I'D HONESTLY PREFER TELLING YOU ABOUT OUR REPRODUCTIVE CYCLE, THAT'S HOW MUCH I DON'T WANT TO FUCKING TALK ABOUT IT.

You don't have to tell me about that.
I'm not really religious anyway
The wording just puzzled me
Let's not talk about reproduction either, that's probably awkward.
Your custodians, what about them? You just live in a house (hive?) with them?

[Oh thank god.]

WE DO, YES.
WE CALL THEM HIVES, BUT THEY'RE SIMILAR IN STRUCTURE TO YOUR HUMAN HOUSES.
ONCE WE HAVE A LUSUS, WE TRAVEL WITH THEM TO THE SURFACE AND HAVE OUR HIVES BUILT ACCORDING TO WHATEVER SPECIFICATIONS WE WANT.

Alright.
The Lusus (capitals? no?) is your caretaker.
The hive is your house.
You're born underground?
And your Lusus builds your hive for you.
Is that correct?

NO CAPITAL LETTERS. THE FULL NAME IS LUSUS NATURAE.
WE'RE *HATCHED* UNDERGROUND IN THE BROODING CAVERNS. THE MOTHER GRUB LAYS THE EGGS WE HATCH FROM.
THE CARPENTER DROIDS BUILD OUR HIVES FOR US.
FUN BONUS FACTS! WHEN WE FIRST HATCH, WE'RE CALLED WIGGLERS AND WE HAVE SIX LIMBS. AFTER WE PUPATE, WE HAVE FOUR.
DO YOU WANT MORE "MORBID AND CRUEL" DETAILS OR SHOULD I LEAVE IT AT THAT.

Sorry.
I shouldn't say it like that.
I don't think I can handle any of those right now, though.
Sorry again.

I didn't realize you come from eggs. Or that your life cycle sounds like that of an insect.
What are the carpenter droids? You haven't mentioned them before. Robot bodyguards?

I'VE HEARD WORSE FROM DAVE.
AND HONESTLY? YOU'RE NOT WRONG. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT WAS.

THE CARPENTER DROIDS WERE IN CHARGE OF CONSTRUCTION AND NOT MUCH ELSE. OUR BODYGUARDS WERE OUR LUSII. WE WERE ON OUR OWN BESIDES THAT.

I should have figured that much from the name? But if they were around when you were that small
I'm still thinking in human terms. Sorry.
Did you go up to the surface when you were still a wriggler, or do you wait until you pupate first?

WE HATCH, FIND A STALACTITE, AND SPIN OUR COCOONS.
AFTER WE PUPATE, THINGS OF A HUMAN "MORBID AND CRUEL" NATURE HAPPEN.
WE ARE THEN CHOSEN BY LUSII, AND TOGETHER WE GO TO THE SURFACE AND BUILD A HIVE, ASSISTED BY CARPENTER DROIDS.
ONCE THE HIVE IS DONE, WE'RE LEFT WITH OUR LUSII TO FEND FOR OURSELVES.

WAS THAT CLEARER OR DO YOU NEED A FUCKING FLOWCHART?

Okay, it's clear, sheesh.
It's just so different. Which I'm sure you hear all the time from Dave and his friends.

Look at the very least consider this preemptive exposition for your eventual caliginous romance story.

MOSTLY FROM JOHN. I THINK DAVE TUNED ALL THAT SHIT OUT, OR MAYBE HE JUST LEARNED IT FROM TEREZI FIRST AND WAS THUS FREE TO DEVOTE HIS FULL ATTENTION TO GIVING ME SHIT OVER IT WHENEVER I TRIED EXPLAINING IT TO HIM AGAIN.

[Except when it came to quadrants, obviously. That was open season no matter what Dave might have heard about it elsewhere.

Ugh, wow, time to change the subject again.]

ANYWAY, I THINK THAT WAS EVERYTHING, NOT INCLUDING THE PARTS WE'RE NOT TALKING ABOUT.
MAYBE I SHOULD KEEP GOING IF IT'LL MEAN LESS CONFUSION WHEN YOU READ THE STORY? OR WE CAN PICK THIS UP LATER IF YOU'VE HAD ENOUGH FOR NOW.

Maybe.
I think I need to think for a little while, but I'd like to know more later.

In specific instances of violence
please avoid monsters too
ones that hunt

[........]

YEAH, I UNDERSTAND. FEEL FREE TO HIT ME UP LATER
AND I WAS PLANNING ON SETTING IT IN SPACE, SO THAT SHOULD BE EASY.

[Mostly, anyway, but like hell is he going to say otherwise.]

;IC CONTACT

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