Ashley Brown (
hashtagafreakingghost) wrote2025-02-08 05:47 pm
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Hi! This is Ashley. I, um, can't come to the phone- gear right now? Leave me a message and I'll get back to you ASAP, okay? Bye!
*Let me know the time/date of your message!
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The Earth... Was it...?
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Yeah, it. I mean, I wasn't there, but.
[He pauses again, silent.]
That's why I don't know about anything that happened from the second half of 2009 on, 'cause for us, it. Didn't. Happen, that is.
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I'm so so sorry. I... I'm so sorry.
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I dunno. Maybe I should feel worse about it than I do, but I was too young to really understand everything I missed out on. Like, I feel bad, don't get me wrong, that was a solid fuckton of people who didn't get a chance to get out like we did. But...
I didn't have a lot of time to dwell on it, back then, not with everything we had to do in the Incipisphere. And Bro did a good job making sure I had the chops to survive.
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[She slows to a stop.]
...Wait. Your brother...trained you for the...the apocalypse?
[Because let's just call this what it is.]
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Huh. Yeah, I guess that would be pretty fucked up.
[Looks like someone never even thought about that before.]
Well, John's dad probably didn't know much of anything. And Jade's grandpa was dead...I wonder if Rose's mom tried to tell her, and Rose just didn't listen. Or thought she was just, like, extra sozzled or something.
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Ummmmmmmmmm. Right, okay. This is where shit starts to get kind of weird, so...fair warning.
Bro was technically my gene daddy. And Rose's. And then her mom turned out also to have donated her DNA to our shared pool. And then John's dad isn't actually his dad at all, and Jade's grandpa was both of their dad, and John's nanna was. Well. You can probably figure it out.
...
This is where time travel starts figuring in.
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And that's how...Rose is...your sis...ter......
...
Okay. O- Okay, uh. How- DNA, do you mean, you're... Is this some kind of mad scientist stuff?
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I'm not taking a dramatic pause or anything, I'm just working out the best way to explain this bullshit without sounding completely off the walls bonkers. But I'm starting to think that might be impossible. Okay, so after I got into the Medium but before Jade did, John managed to go from...Rose's planet, I think? To a laboratory in an asteroid belt circling all our planets. And there were some machines in there, and he mashed his hams into their buttons like a brainless moron in an ugly green lab coat, and what he ended up doing was making baby time paradox clones of our guardians and then mixing the two sets of DNA to make baby us.
...Maybe I should've drawn that, but it doesn't look any less insane on paper, believe me.
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[Her voice is actually hilariously- not shrill, but high and confused? It's great.]
Did- did John have a small, baby John crawling around him?! Isn't that supposed to make the universe explode or- or- or--!!
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Why would the universe explode over a relatively simple time loop like that? Of course there was a baby John, how else would he get born. The baby usses went back in time, too, just not as far back as our parents so they'd be grown-ups when they got us.
[...Well.]
Or of a practically acceptable child-rearing age, anyway.
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...Boy that sure is a face. It's essentially just
I turned this on. Solely so. You could see. My face.
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Okay, okay. It's really not that difficult a concept, though. Time travel only causes a paradox along the alpha timeline if it instigates a contradiction, right? Like if someone went back from the future to, I dunno, stop their parents from porking and conceiving them. It wouldn't work because from that future's point of view, the parents have obviously already boinked. But if our Marty McFly went back and either didn't affect things or put into motion events that were supposed to happen, then it's fine even if he goes back to a time where he already exists. You see? So John and Baby John can chill together because, from John the elder's point of view, they already did when he was Baby John.
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I guess that makes sense...but then when did it start? It's just a loop, forever and ever? That's so confusing. Time travel sucks.
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Yeah, tell me about it. Try living, like, literal weeks of the same twenty-four hour period and then see how you feel about it.
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[There's a "your story is one of many possibilities" comment to be made here, but that's getting a tad too meta]Oh my... Did you do that? What the heck.
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I was the Marty McFly of our team, basically. The Knight of Time.
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