hashtagafreakingghost | Second 👻 Story [Anonymous Text]

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Second 👻 Story [Anonymous Text]

[For the past few days, all Ashley's done is try to figure out how to get the PokéConnect anonymous. It'd been an idea in the back of her mind for a week or so and then- well, it became an urge and now here she is.]

I need to ask for some advice.
This might also turn out to be a moral question, maybe? I'm playing by ear.

The scenario:
You take part in something careless and thoughtlessly cruel. A tragedy occurs. One that costs lives. You've accidentally hurt a dear, close friend.
That friend then methodically and maliciously plans and carries out revenge that inadvertently puts your life, the lives of your friends, and their own life in danger.
What the hell do you do?
Is it right to be pissed when it's your fault it all happened?
IS it really your fault?
What's worse, a horrible accident or a plot purposely designed to hurt others?
How would you try to move forward?
How would you try to forgive yourself?
Do you deserve to?

Consider this a moral quandary if you will. I'd just really like some advice. Some opinions.

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[Rakka? Sweet Rakka? Well this sure is a surprise.]

Thank you. Your input is appreciated.
There aren't any 12 Step Guides for coming to terms with the bad things you've done, after all. Something I have to find within myself is what I was afraid you would say, but it makes sense.

Thank you. Your condolences are appreciated, as is your perspective. I'm sorry that your relationship with your sister was so strained as a result of an accident.

[At least they're both still alive. At least there's that. Unlike...]

My immediate goal, honestly, was to stay as close to the others as possible, but it's a little difficult to do that now. They're the only ones who share that experience, the only ones who can truly understand in full, and they aren't here.
One of them I think could forgive him.
No, I know he could.
It's a little different. ~~Chri~~ He had no part in the prank, but he was caught up in the resulting incident all the same. I can't begin to understand the thought processes behind all that, but I have some ideas why.

Regardless, he could put all of it aside and instead worried for our friend.
He's a very good person.
If I could talk with him, I know that would help, but for now I'm stuck. That's why I posed the question to a wide audience.

This is a lot to process.
That does sound like what I've been experiencing but
I was hoping that figuring out the events that lead to the incident would help put a stop to the
flashbacks
Or at least that it would lessen them.

I want to stop them. But I don't know how to proceed with that without disclosing my identity.

If forgiving means forgetting, then yeah, you'll never get there. Not about the incident and not about what it's done to you and others, either. What can I say? That stuff sticks.

But if it's accepting what you've done - the act and the consequences - taking responsibility for it, and working to be better in the future? That's possible. Hard work, but possible. And eventually, working to be better starts defining your life more than whatever it was you've got to be better than. That's the closest people can get, I think, to really letting things go.

Forgetting wasn't a good idea anyway. It just made me more thoughtless.
I'd really like it if I could, though.

How do I start doing that? The working to get better. So far everything's pointing to finding it on my own, but I don't even know where to begin.

Hey now, have a little faith in yourself. I bet you do. You said what you did was careless and thoughtlessly cruel, right?

Yes. It was supposed to be a funny prank, but I don't know what we were thinking.

I'm pretty sure the fact you don't means you won't ever let yourself think like that again.

If you could go back - not to take it back, getting stuck on that that never did anyone any good, but to change how you acted afterwards - what would you do?

You mean in the aftermath?
If I couldn't prevent it
if everything happened the same way
Then I wouldn't pull away. It would be hard, but I'd try and help my friend through his grief better. I would be insistent, as much as possible, to keep him from growing to resent me and the rest of my friends.

... I don't have an easy answer for you, honestly. I'm trying to figure this out, too. But if you can't make it up to them... just hold on to the fact that you want to be better, because it sounds like you do.

Not that just wanting and wishing makes things better, but at least it's moving in the right direction, isn't it? So take steps to be a better person - to not do that kind of thing again. And I think... maybe in the end things will be be better. Even if you can never make things up to someone, you can at least try to balance the scales a bit, right?

Then, since you can't do that: Why not try applying that consideration to the people around you? It's good for them, and it could help keep your mind off how much it hurts, having done what you did, and having what your friend did done to you.

I know in my case, after I lost the people I cared about most, I just gave my all into protecting the one friend I had left.

He sounds like a really good guy. I'm sorry he got caught up in it, too, even though he didn't do anything...but it must be tough to not have them be with you. I'm sure if you all went through it together you could work something out, but, to not have them by your side after something like that...this place is kind of buns with timing sometimes, honestly.

With any luck, maybe he'll come here, though? It took a little while before my sister came here, too, but, you never know who's gonna wind up in this place. I hope that he winds up coming here, I'm sure it'd make things easier.

But there are a lot of people here who are really great, too. Awesome people, who are really selfless and willing to lend a hand to anyone who needs one. It's pretty great, and it's part of the reason why I like being here so much. If you need someone to talk to, people here really listen, it's very touching, honestly.

Maybe.
If that's all I can do, then I'll devote myself to it.
And wish you good luck too.

Just try and help people? As much as I can?
That really helps?
You think it'll fix me?

Nothing really fixes it, I'm sorry to say. It's always going to have happened, and that kind of thing, it changes people.

But it does help. Doing some good. Having something solid in the present to be proud of again.

In moderation, of course. Don't go so nuts on the altruism front that you lose sight of yourself, and don't punish yourself, either. There's a difference between making right and torturing yourself.

... Thanks.

I think a lot of people here are struggling with that kind of thing, if it helps.

I know I sounded harsh. I'm sorry if it was a little too blunt.

I think, honestly, that you're probably getting some really good advice here. You're weighing your options and you're planning. I think that's a good thing, like I said.

You're stronger than you think you are. It's going to sound weird, but the fact that you took this step proves that.

I've been hoping that he'll show up here every day. It seems there are just as many here who have friends as those who're alone, so I don't know my odds there. But I want to see him more than anything else right now.

I have met quite a few kind people here. It's almost overwhelming. It is overwhelming. I just don't know how to broach a topic like this.
I suppose I could always start with "hello, I'm the anonymous person who fucked up majorly" as an ice-breaker but it's not something I think would go over well in conversation.

the friend you hurt
the one who wanted revenge

was that really what they wanted

It can be, don't feel like you have to rush to recovery. Everybody recovers in a different way and at a different pace.

[...]

Unfortunately, they never really *stop*. They just lessen and you and the people around you will know what to do when it happens. I still get them even if it doesn't show as obviously myself.

Do you have a Pokemon or person that you really trust? A figure like that can be useful for grounding when it happens.

[Well. He's just going to cut through this and avoid giving his own life experience because hahaha no. And 'forgiveness' isn't... somethign he has a ton of experience with, but he'll... try.]

Well, first of all, you can't really call emotions 'right' or 'wrong' - they're emotions.

Second of all... imagine you were someone else in this situation. Do you think you'd forgive you?

Salutations! I'm sorry, that all sounds awful to have gone through, for everyone. And I don't know how much help I'll be, I don't have a lot of experience in this kind of thing.

But I think an accident can't be as bad as someone deliberately trying to hurt others. Especially if they're supposed to be friends!

[She's totally got this anonymous thing on lock, this time.]

[But it's difficult to speak about this with my name attached

and then, just recently

But this isn't something I can talk to anyone about
not with my name attached or anything like that

Yeah. Okay. Let's see if he can actually fucking do this. Hello, shift key, how do you work again?]

"Something careless and thoughtlessly cruel" can be a lot of things.
But you said it was an accident, right?

No, it's alright. I need some harsh viewpoints. On my friend and on myself. I'm glad that I did this, so far. No matter how hard it is.

I don't know about calling myself "strong" though. I'm here doing this because I just want to be at peace.

Then I suppose the next step is figuring out where that difference is.

[...And how much moderation she should have. Can't change your self-image in a day, after all.]

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