hashtagafreakingghost | Second 👻 Story [Anonymous Text]

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Second 👻 Story [Anonymous Text]

[For the past few days, all Ashley's done is try to figure out how to get the PokéConnect anonymous. It'd been an idea in the back of her mind for a week or so and then- well, it became an urge and now here she is.]

I need to ask for some advice.
This might also turn out to be a moral question, maybe? I'm playing by ear.

The scenario:
You take part in something careless and thoughtlessly cruel. A tragedy occurs. One that costs lives. You've accidentally hurt a dear, close friend.
That friend then methodically and maliciously plans and carries out revenge that inadvertently puts your life, the lives of your friends, and their own life in danger.
What the hell do you do?
Is it right to be pissed when it's your fault it all happened?
IS it really your fault?
What's worse, a horrible accident or a plot purposely designed to hurt others?
How would you try to move forward?
How would you try to forgive yourself?
Do you deserve to?

Consider this a moral quandary if you will. I'd just really like some advice. Some opinions.

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[This reminds Tsukiyama of another anonymous question he'd fielded quite some time ago. He knows now whose that was, of course, though it's nothing he's addressed with the person in question; it's not the sort of thing that should just be dragged out into the open like that and he knows it.

But the fact that he does know who posted the last one makes him rather certain that it isn't the same individual having a backslide; it also sends him anonymous again in response to it, because his answers are usually the sort of thing that shouldn't be dragged out into the open like that, either.]

I can't particularly give you the perspective you're asking for, but I can tell you as someone who's done terrible things in the past (some of them reckless, some of them calculated, all of them involving lives that probably weren't mine to take):

My decisions were my own. Technically, no one made me do anything - there was a good long time when I would have claimed that they did, but that's getting into implications that I don't particularly care for.

The revenge cycle is a complicated thing, and I won't claim that it isn't. The place I'm from is very fond of it; at the same time, we all acknowledge that our decision to take part in it is just that - our decision. We have the right to make that choice for ourselves, but we also have to accept the consequences of our own actions; namely, the right for others to participate as well and make us pay for whatever we've done.

So, to answer your questions:

- Yes, you have every right to be angry for whatever was done to you. Perhaps you took part in something that deserved retaliation, but you were hurt as a result, weren't you?
- No, it isn't your fault.
- Deliberate actions are always worse than accidents and I don't see why this is even a question.

Moving forward and forgiving yourself are things I can't answer for, however. Again, I'm usually the person who does terrible things to others. I don't feel guilt for anything I do, and so this isn't a problem for me.

_{[Here comes the most helpful message Ashley will probably ever receive.]}

i cant reed al those word so i got al fonz 2 reed 4 me

ur frend is bad u shud kil him

_{[Never mind Wrath can't be helpful to save his life.]}

So sorry to hear about what happened with your friend. But the fact that they would go so far to plan a huge revenge scheme after a careless accident that caused a tragedy is definitely terrible on their end no matter how you slice it...your intentions were good and theirs were malicious, even if putting your life in danger wasn't intended on their part! There's no getting around that. So of course you have every right to be upset with them for doing something like that! Regardless of how they felt after what you did, they're going out of their way to hurt you after an accident. And even if it caused something really bad, an accident is an accident!!! Far different from going out of your way to hurt someone, and far worse, in my opinion. Their decision to make that plan was theirs, no one forced them, so no, it's not your fault.

Before I answer the bit about you moving forward, I wanna know: what's your opinion of this friend now, even after they went out of your way to hurt you like that?? Do you think that maybe you guys can patch things up at some point?? Do you think at one point you'd eventually be able to forgive them for hurting you so badly?? They clearly weren't able to forgive you for that accident, and forgiveness has to go both ways, but, if you want to move forward with them, I'd suggest at some point talking the whole thing out and figuring out what you can do together as friends, especially if you were close before this whole thing?? I hope you can reach something with them somewhere down the line but that comes later of course!!!

I hope talking about this now helps at least a little. Just to get it off your chest and all?? I definitely HOPE that you can end up working something out and forgiving yourself, because I think that everyone deserves a second chance if they truly, sincerely want to better themselves and make up for their mistakes. That could just be me being naive and all but I really honestly do. You don't sound like a bad person. There's a big difference between making mistakes and being bad at your core, y'know?? Just because a decision you made had a bad consequence doesn't mean you're not a good person, it just means you made a bad decision, is all!! But it's not the end of the world!!! You can't forget about what happened and sweep it under the rug so to speak but you also can't dwell on it, you have to take positive steps, think about doing what you can to make the best present for yourself from here on out!!

I dunno I'm bad at advice so this came out as kinda word salad?? But I guess the most important thing is just being honest with yourself and taking care of yourself, realizing what you want and need. You've done something you regret and that's okay. Everyone makes mistakes, but they don't define you! It's learning from those mistakes that's the important thing!!! Don't let your past tie you down!!!! ♡

Edited 2016-02-29 08:15 (UTC)

ill level with you
i dont think this is the best way to get opinions
not on something like this anyway
but
while were here i will say
the fact youre even asking this in the first place says a lot to me
about the kind of person you are
to admit you screwed up bigtime
to experience guilt and remorse
i feel that
i really do

[Man. It sure seems like the guilt and moral difficulties just keep going 'round, huh?]

Since it's gonna color my answers, you oughta know that I'm someone who's helped perpetrate something closer to the first part of your scenario than the second. Though it was less careless than misinformed, and less accidental than...again, misinformed.

It sounds like what you're doing, when you ask if it's all right to be pissed off when someone else hurts you, is taking responsibility for that person's shit. It's okay to feel guilt and remorse for the things you've done - it's damn human to - but revenge? That's not like throwing a ball into a wall and it bouncing back into your face, that's throwing a ball at someone else and them choosing to break your nose with it. What I'm saying is it's not the logical conclusion of your action. Your friend isn't a ball or a wall, they get to own their own responses to what happens.

So, no. However culpable you are in the first thing, you're not wrong to want to slug someone for doing you wrong. And if you are, you're not alone.

[Would he hit a guy with glasses? Ohhhh, would he ever hit a guy with glasses.]

Anyway. As to the rest, I think first you oughta think about what you're really asking.

What do you think forgiving yourself entails?

That 'friend' sounds like they were going to go off the deep end eventually no matter what you did. What they did isn't your fault, though. You couldn't have known what would happen, and while you did do something stupid, stupidity doesn't justify that kind of revenge plotting.

I think the plot is far, far worse than the accident. You're perfectly justified in being angry. I would be upset at that 'friend' too.

I think the only way to move forward from that kind of thing - and you absolutely shouldn't beat yourself up forever - is one step at a time. The fact that you're thinking of it so carefully is a point in your favor.

The past can't be changed, but the way you respond to it absolutely can.

[Maka is not anon on her end, not because she can't do it, but she simply doesn't see a reason to do it. She's not ashamed of talking about things like this openly and doesn't care if people can identify her.]

All right. Doubtless by now you've got people giving you their own thoughts and advice on this, so I'm not going to address it to avoid repeating anything anyone else has said. I've just got a question for you directly.

In your thinking about this incident and what led up to it, do you experience moments where you feel like you're "somewhere else"? Right back in that situation even if you know you're not? Do certain topics send you into a state of panic, like you felt at that time? Do you have dreams about this and have needed the influence of a Munna to sleep well?

Since I've been both hurt by a friend and hurt them in return, I can only offer you my personal opinion.

You have a right to be pissed, but the other person also does. It doesn't make what they did back to you right - only that the fact that it was an accident doesn't mean they're not allowed to be pissed off.

Is it your fault? Maybe. It's difficult to say without specifics. If you take responsibility and try to make things right... then maybe it's better. It's hard to say. What that person did is definitely worse, but I can see where they would think that you didn't take enough responsibility. That doesn't mean they're right from an objective standpoint, just from their personal one.

As for how to move forward... I'm trying to figure that out myself. If you've really done all you can do to make it up to the person, I don't know what else you can do. As for whether you 'deserve' to forgive yourself... I can't answer that for you.

[Rakka hasn't gone anonymous, mostly lending to the fact she doesn't know how. But this is something she doesn't particularly care about having her name attached to.]

Hi. I guess you've already got people giving your advice about this, but I guess I wanted to say something.
I think it is your fault, but also... isn't. I mean, not directly. It was an accident, even if it was started by being really mean towards the people you hurt.
But, that doesn't mean someone should try and get back at you in the worst way they can. Even if they think you deserve it, that doesn't feel right.

And forgiving yourself... is hard. But I know it starts with understanding what you did, but I think that's something only you can figure out.

the friend you hurt
the one who wanted revenge

was that really what they wanted

[Well. He's just going to cut through this and avoid giving his own life experience because hahaha no. And 'forgiveness' isn't... somethign he has a ton of experience with, but he'll... try.]

Well, first of all, you can't really call emotions 'right' or 'wrong' - they're emotions.

Second of all... imagine you were someone else in this situation. Do you think you'd forgive you?

Salutations! I'm sorry, that all sounds awful to have gone through, for everyone. And I don't know how much help I'll be, I don't have a lot of experience in this kind of thing.

But I think an accident can't be as bad as someone deliberately trying to hurt others. Especially if they're supposed to be friends!

[She's totally got this anonymous thing on lock, this time.]

[But it's difficult to speak about this with my name attached

and then, just recently

But this isn't something I can talk to anyone about
not with my name attached or anything like that

Yeah. Okay. Let's see if he can actually fucking do this. Hello, shift key, how do you work again?]

"Something careless and thoughtlessly cruel" can be a lot of things.
But you said it was an accident, right?

I don't think you're really the right person to determine if you deserve to forgive yourself or let others forgive you.
Guilt is... a funny thing. In a way that's not funny at all.

There are many times where, given the opportunity, I would never forgive myself for something that happened almost fifteen years ago now.
I hurt someone very dear to me on a complete accident.
I nearly killed her.
And to this day, I don't believe I should be forgiven, despite the incident in question being an accident caused by something as simple as children playing.
Everyone I know, including the person I hurt, thinks I'm being too hard on myself.

I think... people do stupid things.
It doesn't make those things right, but what matters is how you feel after.
The fact that you seem to be so torn up over all of this shows that you're not a bad person. You just made a bad decision, and you shouldn't let that decision cause a roadblock in your life like this.

[ ... not anonymous because he doesn't care, but. ].

Uhhh okay so my friend sounds like a fucking sociopath so yeah, I think I'd be pretty rightfully pissed off?

[ But then he seems to have some kind of change of heart, or maybe a brief moment of self-awareness, because he quickly adds: ]

but I guess it depends on what I did in the first place too.

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