Second 👻 Story [Anonymous Text]

[hashtagafreakingghost]

[For the past few days, all Ashley's done is try to figure out how to get the PokéConnect anonymous. It'd been an idea in the back of her mind for a week or so and then- well, it became an urge and now here she is.]

I need to ask for some advice.
This might also turn out to be a moral question, maybe? I'm playing by ear.

The scenario:
You take part in something careless and thoughtlessly cruel. A tragedy occurs. One that costs lives. You've accidentally hurt a dear, close friend.
That friend then methodically and maliciously plans and carries out revenge that inadvertently puts your life, the lives of your friends, and their own life in danger.
What the hell do you do?
Is it right to be pissed when it's your fault it all happened?
IS it really your fault?
What's worse, a horrible accident or a plot purposely designed to hurt others?
How would you try to move forward?
How would you try to forgive yourself?
Do you deserve to?

Consider this a moral quandary if you will. I'd just really like some advice. Some opinions.

Comments

[hashtagafreakingghost]

Management? Like, mental management?
I didn't realize they knew things like that. My Psychic types are more
Well, they don't make that kind of conversation.

[Private, aw hell that's a good one]

[hashtagafreakingghost]

i just
i didn't know what else to do and kind of figured
if i tried talking to anyone about this they'd
i don't know
just tell me to fuck off

[Private, I live to entertain]

[callbacks]

literally no one here so fars ever told me to fuck off no matter what shit i brought them
i mean except karkat but hes karkat
when karkat says fuck off about eighty percent of the time he actually means fuck right around back here and let me SHAKE the feelings out of you
sometimes literally
but no for real i get it and i wasnt kidding when i said i did the same a couple months ago
about a different question though

[crouching_sin]

You have time, here. We pretty much have nothing but time, save for when people randomly disappear.

[Private]

[hashtagafreakingghost]

but this is such an ugly thing
i got one of my best friend's sisters killed dave
you
you understand that's what i'm talking about right?
the stupid cruel thing i did
it lead to them dying
girls my age i'd known since i was a kid
for a fucking prank

[ratherbelocky]

It's a lot harder when they're young, if that's the case for you. And don't get me wrong, it's not like she's a licensed assistance animal. It's more that I already knew some tips from my previous career, and she and I worked out some systems for a couple things I tend to need a hand with.

[hashtagafreakingghost]

And then I'd have to think about it all over again, right?
Because we don't remember things we learn here.

[Private]

[callbacks]

ashley
im not dumb
yes i know thats what youre talking about

everything i said still stands
you did a bad thing
that had totally awful consequences you couldnt foresee
but youre not a bad person
and you havent merited someone almost getting YOU killed in return

especially not a friend

[hashtagafreakingghost]

It probably is the reason, yes. How does she know these things? Is she just naturally good at this? I didn't realize Pokemon were experienced in this sort of thing.

[Private]

[hashtagafreakingghost]

sorry
just
fuck i can't even yell at him
he did some really fucked up stuff and chris said he was off his meds?
i didn't even KNOW he had to take anything
but he


i don't even wanna talk about the things he put me through
on top of the fucking wendigos which were a complete surprise to EVERYONE
and i
i was stupid and panicking that night
and it almost got one of my other friends killed
i'm reading what everyone is saying
i'm seeing it
but it's so hard to understand it all

[soundmind]

I'd do the best I can to help. If you need to talk in private, that's okay too.

[charcoalfeather]

Me too. I wish I could see all of them again.



What about your friends? Are they alright?
I mean, maybe not 'alright'
but are then safe?

[hashtagafreakingghost]

Yes.
I don't think I'd be very comfortable doing this in public.
I mean, public and not anonymous.

[hashtagafreakingghost]

I guess?
Most of them.
Not the one who I hurt and who hurt me back.

[Private]

[callbacks]

of course it is
its cause people like you and me
you and me and rose and karkat and i dont even know who else the fuck maybe half the world
were always looking for the story
were looking for something simple like cause and effect so that when something happens we can be like oh thats because i did this or i fucked up that like its all logical checkpoints on our personal narrative
but sometimes shit just HAPPENS
and sometimes we just MAKE terrible shit happen and theres no good reason for it
and were left thinking
well what the fuck
what am i supposed to do with this




sorry that probably wasnt helpful at all

[ratherbelocky]

Well, as a Psychic type, she's often got a read on what's going on in my head. That's something I let her do, I'm comfortable with that and with her. So I let her know what my patterns are - which is one of those things I got to understand over the years, as someone who mostly had to deal with this on my own - and if she recognizes them, she lets me know I'm starting to wig out. Then I can employ the techniques I already know to pull myself out of it.

The other thing she does for me, since I've got something of a physical disability on top of that, is keep an eye on my surroundings to make sure I'm not about to take a fall. So, yeah, sort of exactly like a more traditional service animal in that regard. It's stabilizing to have that bodily sense of security. Might help in your case, too, to know that something's always got its eye out for your immediate non-mental well-being.

I suppose what I'm saying is, no, Pokémon aren't naturally experienced with this, just like humans aren't, either. But you can teach them just as well as you can teach yourself, and some of them got more of an aptitude for it than others. Psychic types are good, if they've got the right temperament. Probably the Chansey line - you know, the pink things the nurses got at the Pokémon Centers? If all the professionals got those in their corner, they're probably good at what they do.

[crouching_sin]

Well, yes. But it's not like it makes any difference, worrying about the maybe-future you. You have to deal with the you that you have here, now, for the foreseeable future.

[Private]

[hashtagafreakingghost]

no it
you


dave
what were you talking about before
what happened to you
are you okay?
that's a stupid fucking question but
damn it
i'm sorry i shouldn't ask that

[Private]

[callbacks]

no its ok
i mean
im ok
or im not NOT ok
i just
got to thinking about some stuff that happened more recently than the bullshit i was talking about before and got a little agitated about it
but the older stuff
ive had more time to come to terms with that
but really im not sure its a good time for you to hear about it

[charcoalfeather]

Oh
I'm sorry about that.
It sounded like you still think of them as a friend, even after whatever they did.

[hashtagafreakingghost]

I don't know if I'd want my Psychic types in my head. It's kind of obvious but I've got some messed up shit in there and, not like you or others don't, but I'm not really sure how to handle mine. Naturally.

Maybe it'll help though? I'm still getting to know my Pokemon. It's nice having them around, at least. I believe I have something that looks like a Chansey, though. It's just a kid. I don't want to put a burden on something so young.

[hashtagafreakingghost]

Aren't you worried about that? Why does no one seem to be worried about that? We could learn entirely different things and become entirely different people, and yet the moment we're gone, it's like it never happened.
All the bad will have to happen again.
And all the good from here might as well never have happened.
Everyone who's told me about that uses it as a positive, a plus.
Why?

[Private]

[hashtagafreakingghost]

but that's just it
i'm such an emotional time-bomb that it's NEVER a good time for me to hear about it
because i don't know how to deal with it
that's why i drifted from josh
i keep fucking up

ugh
you're probably right
i wish you weren't

[hashtagafreakingghost]

I do.
At least I think I do.
It's very complicated.

[Private]

[callbacks]

[He takes the time to exhale a long, steadying breath before he answers.]

i can try to tell you what happened without the parts thatll trip you up emotionally
itll be hard but
i feel like if i dont youll think up something on your own anyway that might be even worse somehow??

it might help not to try to imagine it as something that happened to an actual person you know and more like
not a story but a news report or something
real dry and unreal like
but only if youre sure you want to
and it doesnt have to be right now