hashtagafreakingghost | Second 👻 Story [Anonymous Text]

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Second 👻 Story [Anonymous Text]

[For the past few days, all Ashley's done is try to figure out how to get the PokéConnect anonymous. It'd been an idea in the back of her mind for a week or so and then- well, it became an urge and now here she is.]

I need to ask for some advice.
This might also turn out to be a moral question, maybe? I'm playing by ear.

The scenario:
You take part in something careless and thoughtlessly cruel. A tragedy occurs. One that costs lives. You've accidentally hurt a dear, close friend.
That friend then methodically and maliciously plans and carries out revenge that inadvertently puts your life, the lives of your friends, and their own life in danger.
What the hell do you do?
Is it right to be pissed when it's your fault it all happened?
IS it really your fault?
What's worse, a horrible accident or a plot purposely designed to hurt others?
How would you try to move forward?
How would you try to forgive yourself?
Do you deserve to?

Consider this a moral quandary if you will. I'd just really like some advice. Some opinions.

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[...or maybe]

what
you know who i am?

[just maybe it clicks right now]

shit
shit i don't know how to do the private thing

here sorry
im sorry i didnt mean to blow your cover i just didnt think you were someone i knew at first

fuck
oh my god it's because i said chris' name
i haven't told ANYONE else about him of all the
uh
fuck hi

if it helps i completely wouldnt have guessed it was you up until then
im sorry i can pretend i didnt see any of this

well that's
better
oh hell it wouldn't do any good to pretend
it's kind of hard to ignore something like THIS

im really sorry
i didnt care too much if people figured me out but it wasnt my intention to put you in an uncomfy position

i just
i didn't know what else to do and kind of figured
if i tried talking to anyone about this they'd
i don't know
just tell me to fuck off

literally no one here so fars ever told me to fuck off no matter what shit i brought them
i mean except karkat but hes karkat
when karkat says fuck off about eighty percent of the time he actually means fuck right around back here and let me SHAKE the feelings out of you
sometimes literally
but no for real i get it and i wasnt kidding when i said i did the same a couple months ago
about a different question though

but this is such an ugly thing
i got one of my best friend's sisters killed dave
you
you understand that's what i'm talking about right?
the stupid cruel thing i did
it lead to them dying
girls my age i'd known since i was a kid
for a fucking prank

ashley
im not dumb
yes i know thats what youre talking about

everything i said still stands
you did a bad thing
that had totally awful consequences you couldnt foresee
but youre not a bad person
and you havent merited someone almost getting YOU killed in return

especially not a friend

sorry
just
fuck i can't even yell at him
he did some really fucked up stuff and chris said he was off his meds?
i didn't even KNOW he had to take anything
but he

i don't even wanna talk about the things he put me through
on top of the fucking wendigos which were a complete surprise to EVERYONE
and i
i was stupid and panicking that night
and it almost got one of my other friends killed
i'm reading what everyone is saying
i'm seeing it
but it's so hard to understand it all

of course it is
its cause people like you and me
you and me and rose and karkat and i dont even know who else the fuck maybe half the world
were always looking for the story
were looking for something simple like cause and effect so that when something happens we can be like oh thats because i did this or i fucked up that like its all logical checkpoints on our personal narrative
but sometimes shit just HAPPENS
and sometimes we just MAKE terrible shit happen and theres no good reason for it
and were left thinking
well what the fuck
what am i supposed to do with this

sorry that probably wasnt helpful at all

no it
you

dave
what were you talking about before
what happened to you
are you okay?
that's a stupid fucking question but
damn it
i'm sorry i shouldn't ask that

Edited (wait a sec that's not quite right) 2016-03-02 20:13 (UTC)

no its ok
i mean
im ok
or im not NOT ok
i just
got to thinking about some stuff that happened more recently than the bullshit i was talking about before and got a little agitated about it
but the older stuff
ive had more time to come to terms with that
but really im not sure its a good time for you to hear about it

but that's just it
i'm such an emotional time-bomb that it's NEVER a good time for me to hear about it
because i don't know how to deal with it
that's why i drifted from josh
i keep fucking up

ugh
you're probably right
i wish you weren't

[He takes the time to exhale a long, steadying breath before he answers.]

i can try to tell you what happened without the parts thatll trip you up emotionally
itll be hard but
i feel like if i dont youll think up something on your own anyway that might be even worse somehow??

it might help not to try to imagine it as something that happened to an actual person you know and more like
not a story but a news report or something
real dry and unreal like
but only if youre sure you want to
and it doesnt have to be right now

i probably will
i'm very good at making mountains out of molehills
or mountains out of smaller mountains

i can do that
i'm already good at that
it's kind of pathetic how good at doing that i am
but

i'll be better at this
i swear
i promise
i'll find a way to be better at this but for now just
that thing that happened
when you wanted to run off and damn the consequences
did you lose someone?
because i'm sorry dave
i'm so so sorry

yeah
thats basically the thing that happened

[Family, he'd said.
Things that have to do with family.
She wants to ask, was it-]

i'm really really sorry for

you know
you kind of
remind me a little of him
josh
the good parts
when he was just
the kid who asked me to hang out with him on the playground
because my name's the same as some guy from a movie
and the guy who teased me about how jumpy i am
and who fought with me about comics or video games
and who i took to a sadie hawkins dance cause i was too nervous to ask chris
so i

you're good too dave
all the bad things that've happened to you
you don't
deserve them either
whatever you've done or
i never got to say anything like that to him
no matter how mad at him i am
it's true
but i'm saying it to you
because it's true here too

so i'm very sorry
and i mean that with everything in me

[Ah.

Ah, okay, he's not. He wasn't prepared for that. His throat tightens and Karkat will probably be able to tell because his shoulders do, too, all the flat of his back. THIS ISN'T THE TIME, SHITTY FEELINGS, he wants to yell down his own trachea, but he just swallows, breathes, and forces himself to chill. Ashley needs help right now, and so does Karkat. He can continue dealing with the new and exciting reality that hearing kind things makes him cry later.

So the pause he takes this time is just that. A pause. The hot feeling in his eyes goes away after he holds them closed for a moment, after he re-centers himself. We're okay.]

yeah
im
im sorry too
about josh and about his sisters
and about what happened to you and your other friends

do you want me to stay on the line with you
or do you need some time
or both

Edited 2016-03-03 01:03 (UTC)

[On her end, in a small dark hotel room in Violet City, she wipes her eyes with a choked smile, her Pokémon snuggled up to her. A finger touches the words. im sorry and yeah, she is too
so incredibly, very sorry.

Unlike Dave, she's letting herself cry; it's impossible for her to swallow it all down.]

thank you

i think
i need
to put all this on hold
and to sleep
and so do you
when you can
i've kept everyone up long enough
but
thank you for all this? a lot

Edited (when you get the font color wrong like an asshole) 2016-03-03 01:29 (UTC)

hey
think nothing of it girl
were friends too

sleep well ashley

yeah
good night dave

[She almost thinks better of it, but.]

and you know
munna really do work wonders
if you need it

[...]

ill think about it
night

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Second 👻 Story [Anonymous Text]

no subject

[Private, anonymity is a farce]

[Private, we had a dream of an anonymous world]

[Private, on anonnnn, pretending we haaaave privacyyyyy]

[Private, i cant think of any other clever sayings]

[Private, for the movie never ends it goes ON ANON ANON ANONNN]

[Private, aw hell that's a good one]

[Private, I live to entertain]

[Private]

[Private]

[Private]

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[Private]

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