Ashley Brown (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
hashtagafreakingghost) wrote2016-02-29 12:47 am
hashtagafreakingghost) wrote2016-02-29 12:47 am
Second 👻 Story [Anonymous Text]
[For the past few days, all Ashley's done is try to figure out how to get the PokéConnect anonymous. It'd been an idea in the back of her mind for a week or so and then- well, it became an urge and now here she is.]
I need to ask for some advice.
This might also turn out to be a moral question, maybe? I'm playing by ear.
The scenario:
You take part in something careless and thoughtlessly cruel. A tragedy occurs. One that costs lives. You've accidentally hurt a dear, close friend.
That friend then methodically and maliciously plans and carries out revenge that inadvertently puts your life, the lives of your friends, and their own life in danger.
What the hell do you do?
Is it right to be pissed when it's your fault it all happened?
IS it really your fault?
What's worse, a horrible accident or a plot purposely designed to hurt others?
How would you try to move forward?
How would you try to forgive yourself?
Do you deserve to?
Consider this a moral quandary if you will. I'd just really like some advice. Some opinions.
I need to ask for some advice.
This might also turn out to be a moral question, maybe? I'm playing by ear.
The scenario:
You take part in something careless and thoughtlessly cruel. A tragedy occurs. One that costs lives. You've accidentally hurt a dear, close friend.
That friend then methodically and maliciously plans and carries out revenge that inadvertently puts your life, the lives of your friends, and their own life in danger.
What the hell do you do?
Is it right to be pissed when it's your fault it all happened?
IS it really your fault?
What's worse, a horrible accident or a plot purposely designed to hurt others?
How would you try to move forward?
How would you try to forgive yourself?
Do you deserve to?
Consider this a moral quandary if you will. I'd just really like some advice. Some opinions.
2/2
like his sisters
Like what we made them feel.
If he wanted anything else, then I don't know.
I never got to ask him.
Maybe he just wanted someone to notice how fucked up he was.
no subject
sorry this is gonna get long
there was a hot second a long time ago when i thought i wanted revenge because of something that happened
but really
what i wanted was
for something to make sense again
and "revenge" or "justice" or "someone's gotta make a stand" was an easy stand in procedure for actually thinking about how to deal with my entire personal universe getting flipped upside down headways in a permanent and brutal fashion
i mean the whole concept's pretty formulaic, eye for an eye and such
that or maybe it was even simpler
like
i just wanted to act out and that's it
just wanted to squeeze my metaphorical eyes shut and swing until someone
or something
stopped me
and fuck the consequences
luckily if you can call it luck i guess someone was there to push me in a different direction
so at least i could get something useful done on my way to total personal obliteration
like
i don't know i guess she helped put off my inevitable slide to self destruction and that was time i could use to really think about what i was doing
but i guess i didn't
and because i didn't i ended up hurting one of my very best friends and making her feel like my d
dire emotional implosion
was her fault
and i don't know maybe like you said it was some kind of desperate cry for help but does it really count if i didn't voice it
and is it my friends' responsibility to pick up my shit
they're not mind readers
they're just fucked up kids like me
they lost the same thing i did and if i needed help then by the same token who would've been helping them?
we were all
[A pause.]
i guess what i'm saying is
it's always intense with family
and that doesn't usually translate to the kind of rational thinking necessary for action that's truly just or deserved
no subject
but for right now, the lack of that candy red indicator keeps her from putting the pieces together...and besides, they've usually switched to audio conversation when things get serious, anyway.]
I'm sorry
this must have been hard to share, even anonymously.
Do you think, maybe
if I could talk to him, he'd regret what he did too?
no subject
i don't know him
but you still called him a friend
what do you think
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it's likely
that it'll take a long time to get through to him
or for him to get to a place or whatever people term it where he's not ripping himself and his friends and everything around him apart
but if that's how you feel about your friendship then i think there's a good chance he feels the same
and regretted it even while he did it
it doesn't make it any less fucked up but that's how it is sometimes
no subject
I'm so mad at him
maybe I deserved
SOMETHING but
there were two people who didn't do anything wrong
and one of them was his closest friend in the world
how could he do that to him?
to all of us?
i know, you just said but
i can't stop thinking about it
how?
i wish i could
i don't know
thank you this has helped
really
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i did kind of the same thing when i first got here
the anon question thing
if i can add just one more thing though
knowing what i know now
whatever it is you did and however guilty you feel for it
i don't think
that there's any such thing as a just death anymore
there's just
death
[And sometimes those deaths serve a purpose; sometimes they just. Don't.]
so whatever you deserved it wasn't a situation that put your life at risk
no subject
i thought he'd died
he made me THINK he was dead
and i thought that chris had
[fuck. fuck fuck fuck, can she take that back- shit. Oh whatever. She's too upset to do anything about it right now.]
ignore that
i never wanted to die
i hate thinking that i deserve this shit
because i just
i want to live
i just want to feel good about being alive
no subject
All of the sudden, Dave knows exactly who this is. Shit. Should he say something? He's figured her out but she hasn't said anything that makes him think the reverse is true.
And it means that Ashley, poor nice scared-stiff book nerd Ashley, has had something this torturous embedded in her chest all along.
He hesitates, thumbs on the 'Gear, bottom lip between his teeth, before he responds.]
i
know what you mean
and i can't
i can't help with that
i don't know how to help with that
but believe me if i knew i'd want to
to help you
you're not a bad person you don't deserve any of that
no subject
how do you know?
that i'm not a bad person
how do you know?
no subject
i think we've talked
no subject
what
you know who i am?
[just maybe it clicks right now]
shit
shit i don't know how to do the private thing
[Private, anonymity is a farce]
im sorry i didnt mean to blow your cover i just didnt think you were someone i knew at first
[Private, we had a dream of an anonymous world]
oh my god it's because i said chris' name
i haven't told ANYONE else about him of all the
uh
fuck hi
[Private, on anonnnn, pretending we haaaave privacyyyyy]
im sorry i can pretend i didnt see any of this
[Private, i cant think of any other clever sayings]
better
oh hell it wouldn't do any good to pretend
it's kind of hard to ignore something like THIS
[Private, for the movie never ends it goes ON ANON ANON ANONNN]
i didnt care too much if people figured me out but it wasnt my intention to put you in an uncomfy position
[Private, aw hell that's a good one]
i didn't know what else to do and kind of figured
if i tried talking to anyone about this they'd
i don't know
just tell me to fuck off
[Private, I live to entertain]
i mean except karkat but hes karkat
when karkat says fuck off about eighty percent of the time he actually means fuck right around back here and let me SHAKE the feelings out of you
sometimes literally
but no for real i get it and i wasnt kidding when i said i did the same a couple months ago
about a different question though
[Private]
i got one of my best friend's sisters killed dave
you
you understand that's what i'm talking about right?
the stupid cruel thing i did
it lead to them dying
girls my age i'd known since i was a kid
for a fucking prank
[Private]
im not dumb
yes i know thats what youre talking about
everything i said still stands
you did a bad thing
that had totally awful consequences you couldnt foresee
but youre not a bad person
and you havent merited someone almost getting YOU killed in return
especially not a friend
[Private]
just
fuck i can't even yell at him
he did some really fucked up stuff and chris said he was off his meds?
i didn't even KNOW he had to take anything
but he
i don't even wanna talk about the things he put me through
on top of the fucking wendigos which were a complete surprise to EVERYONE
and i
i was stupid and panicking that night
and it almost got one of my other friends killed
i'm reading what everyone is saying
i'm seeing it
but it's so hard to understand it all
[Private]
its cause people like you and me
you and me and rose and karkat and i dont even know who else the fuck maybe half the world
were always looking for the story
were looking for something simple like cause and effect so that when something happens we can be like oh thats because i did this or i fucked up that like its all logical checkpoints on our personal narrative
but sometimes shit just HAPPENS
and sometimes we just MAKE terrible shit happen and theres no good reason for it
and were left thinking
well what the fuck
what am i supposed to do with this
sorry that probably wasnt helpful at all
[Private]
you
dave
what were you talking about before
what happened to you
are you okay?
that's a stupid fucking question but
damn it
i'm sorry i shouldn't ask that
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